I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize