Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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