Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
