whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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