I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
