Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
