I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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