I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
