mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize