i wish my penis had a tongue
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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