Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Semen is not good for contacts.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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