If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
