tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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