By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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