I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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