I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
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um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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