Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My bed smells like the plague
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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