took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am one with the molecules
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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