Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
