i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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