haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
