There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
