I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
