My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.