Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
