Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

  (917): View more from New York City

  this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

  (917): View more from New York City

  he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

  (718): View more from New York

  messed up. what color are the wings?

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  (917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks (917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed (917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF? (718): messed up. what color are the wings? http://tfl.nu/7ui0
  Replies (11) Good night (2213) Bad night (584)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.

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  (276): Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while. http://tfl.nu/zglk
  Replies (3) Good night (864) Bad night (1250)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!

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  (503): i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly! http://tfl.nu/tm2j
  Replies (63) Good night (8128) Bad night (3281)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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  (740): Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/5skf
  Replies (17) Good night (5014) Bad night (721)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...

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  (202): Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again... http://tfl.nu/efr4
  Replies (5) Good night (3026) Bad night (769)
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  (562): View more from California

  Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser

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  (562): Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser http://tfl.nu/nnjn
  Replies (3) Good night (2287) Bad night (915)
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  (585): View more from New York

  i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place

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  (585): i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place http://tfl.nu/423p
  Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (1090)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Did it finish?

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  (203): You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified. (508): Did it finish? http://tfl.nu/ahm8
  Replies (4) Good night (2966) Bad night (833)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that

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  (513): They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding (1-513): Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that http://tfl.nu/r0yq
  Replies (3) Good night (1319) Bad night (558)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.

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  (207): Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far. http://tfl.nu/heu3
  Replies (16) Good night (1863) Bad night (930)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

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  (850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1299) Bad night (458)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.

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  (608): I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich. http://tfl.nu/h4vr
  Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (732)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard

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  (973): Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard http://tfl.nu/5c0l
  Replies (18) Good night (371) Bad night (2328)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.

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  (651): I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college. http://tfl.nu/1zaq
  Replies (4) Good night (461) Bad night (287)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.

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  (503): When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick. http://tfl.nu/61vn
  Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (263)

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