you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.