Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green