girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
