It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
