bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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