What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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