im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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