Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
