I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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