people are starting to question the shark bite story
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
