Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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