Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
