the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
whose parrot is this?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
