He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
