i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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