I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
