the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
