I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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