I'm gonna have a badass scar
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
