I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
