47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
