Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
