8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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