My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
