More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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