I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
