omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize