I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
