you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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