I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
