Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize