she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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