so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
