I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
