I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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