i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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