My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will be naked everywhere
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
