god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
