Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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