This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
