It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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