I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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