If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
